The Garvanian

Important research trip

2012-01-31T20:12:00.002Z

Following my recent theories on the behaviour of light particles, I have decided to head north tomorrow to visit an eminent professor in none other than St. Andrews University, way up in "bonnie Scotland". We shall be discussing my theory, amongst other issues such as the dangers posed by the LHC.

I am also trying to arrange a meeting with another researcher in the Department of Earth Sciences to discuss how my theory of rock formation provides proof of a young earth. Watch this space and all will be revealed.

I do not anticipate blogging again until the weekend, when I return home.

The Mormon versus the Antichrist

2012-01-28T22:37:00.002Z

I really do pity the American people if that is the choice they must make for the next leader of the free world, I really do.

Do they want the antichrist Obama who has failed to convince me (and many others) that he is not a closet muslim doing the devil's work?

Or do they want the mad mormon Romney, who loves his money, and pays just 13% tax. He is soft on immigration, abortion, and homosexuality in spite of his mormonism.

I had hoped Sarah would stand, but alas, she opted not to do so. Likewise Mick Huckabee. Godly Ron Paul has much to offer, but I fear his campaign is now fading, and same goes for Godly Rick Santorum who does not have the money or the connections of the wretched mormon.

My worst nightmare is that BHO gets a second term and then his true colours will be revealed. I am not 100% certain that he is the Beast foretold in the Book of Revelation, but I think there is at least a 70% chance that this may be so.

Experimenting with windows

2012-01-27T12:00:00.003Z

My latest set of home-based scientific experiments are concerning WINDOWS, a much under-researched, yet heavily relied on entity. Based on rigorous scientific method (ie, HYPOTHESIS, TEST, ANALYSE, REPORT) I wish to offer my readers a few handy household tips concerning windows.

1. For maximum black-out at night, do not pull your blinds fully. Leave a slight gap. There is always a small amount of light left in a room anytime you illuminate it or open the curtains, so by leaving them open a very small amount you can help this light to escape.

2. For maximum effect when airing a room, ideally you want to have windows at both sides of the room. If you open both of them to the same degree, fresh air will enter one window and stale air will egress through the other, thus allowing the fresh air to circulate in the middle.

3. To minimise noise from overhead aircraft, you should avoid fitting skylight windows or any sort of window that opens in the above direction.

Best wishes to the Great Paul Daniels

2012-01-22T11:49:00.003Z

I have always liked this little man. "Not at lot" of people know this(!), but he, like me, is a rabbit lover and owns quite a few of the little creatures.

So I was saddened to learn of an horrific accident on New Year's Day, whereby he chopped his finger off!!!!!

Fortunately it has now been reattached and the great little illusionist is back to his old tricks again!!!

Three cheers for Paul Daniels!!!!

I love England

2012-01-21T22:37:00.003Z

I have lived in England for almost eight years now. And I love it. I love the English people, and I hate the way their country is being discriminated against.

The following poem was displayed in my local Land Rover independent garage. It sums up things nicely. 'Nuff said:

Goodbye to my England, So long my old friend
Your days are numbered, being brought to an end
To be Scottish, Irish or Welsh that's fine
But don't say you're English, that's way out of line.

The French and the Germans may call themselves such
So may Norwegians, the Swedes and the Dutch
You can say you are Russian or maybe a Dane
But don't say you're English ever again.

At Broadcasting House the word is taboo
In Brussels it's scrapped, in Parliament too
Even schools are affected. Staff do as they're told
They must not teach children about England of old.

Writers like Shakespeare, Milton and Shaw
The pupils don't learn about them anymore
How about Agincourt, Hastings, Arnhem or Mons?
When England lost hosts of her very brave sons.

We are not Europeans, how can we be?
Europe is miles away, over the sea
We're the English from England, let's all be proud
Stand up and be counted - Shout it out loud!

Let's tell our Government and Brussels too
We're proud of our heritage,the Red Cross flag too
Fly the flag of Saint George without risking the sack
Let the world know -
WE WANT OUR ENGLAND BACK!!!!

Author Unknown

The Absence of Transitional Forms

2012-01-20T10:22:00.003Z

This is one of the most potent arguments against evolution I have ever come across. It has never, to my knowledge, been effectively countered by any evolutionist.

Basically the evolutionist believes that transitional forms happen "all the time" throughout history. So we don't actually need to look at fossil records to establish evolution - all we need to do is LOOK AROUND US and OBSERVE all the billions of transitional forms and species which - according to the evolutionist - should be running about the day. Since, according to the evolutionist, change is slow and gradual, then we be able to observe many forms which things like three legs, half a fin, one wing, etc.

So why can't we see them? Did evolution grind to a sudden halt over the past 150 years since Darwin declared its existence? That would be a bit odd, would it not???!!!

So, evolutionists, show me the evidence. Who needs to concern themselves with the fossil record when according to your own THEORY transitional entities should be ALL AROUND US - walking, swimming, crawling or flying.

More barmy human rights law

2012-01-17T09:48:00.003Z

So, according to European judges, we have to keep this sick and twisted Islamic extremist on our shores at the taxpayers' expense.

You can bet that these barmy Europeans would not want him in THEIR countries, yet WE have to have him here!!!!! This sort of thing makes me so MAD and I predict many people will be joining the BNP as a result.

Street Preaching

2012-01-15T09:31:00.003Z

The service in my usual church today has been cancelled as the central heating as broken down. It is a while since I last went preaching on the streets. But today, the Lord has moved me to do so again. It may be freezing cold outside, but the heathens will be out shopping in their droves as usual. But today they will hear the Word of the Lord.

So today, I am going to dust down by trusty old megaphone, and take myself onto the streets of Gloucester, where I shall be preaching a sermon based on Genesis Ch 1 which I have entitled, "God the Creator". And yes, it will expose the lie of evolution and the truth of the literal creation which took place around 7000 years ago, as laid down in Genesis.

Friday 13th

2012-01-13T14:43:00.002Z

I am not generally one to be bothered by superstition and folklore, but I cannot help but have a sense of foreboding every Friday 13th.

I had a dream last night of a terrible plane crash in the city of Bristol. It was a Boeing 747 from America. Many hundreds of people died, both on the plane and on the ground. Al-Qaeda shot the plane down. I will remain ALERT tonight, just in case my services as a mortician as required in the terrible event that this should come to pass.

AWESOME MACHINE!!!

2012-01-10T14:19:00.002Z

If anyone has a spare 17k lying around, how about investing in this. Now that would turn heads around Cotswold country lanes!!!!!

Dr Ellison befriends local PCSO

2012-01-09T13:37:00.004Z

I am pleased to announce that I have become good friends with my local "PCSO". His name is, quite appropriately, Bobby!

At first I was suspicious to see him cycling around our village, and thought he was out looking to start arguments with law-abiding citizens (instead of locking up the sexual deviants down the road), but I really do think this particular chap is a fair player.

He is an altogether good cop, unlike some of the unsavoury characters I have come across in the past. Criminologists have long documented the notorious impact of "cop cultures" on how the police go about doing their work, meaning that minorities such as myself are often unfairly picked on and discriminated.

But these "PCSOs" are not imbued with the same "cop culture". Bobby is just how the local copper on the beat used to behave in the 1950s, friendly to all, always ready for a chat, and not afraid to give the youth a good telling off. He and I had a good chat yesterday about windmills, and today I invited him in for a cup of tea and we talked about the need for a man of steel and grit to take this country by the scruff off the neck and give it a good kick up the backside. He is a churchwarden as well, so that is excellent news. I have recently started a freelance embalming business so hopefully he might be able to recommend me to local undertakers. Here is a police officer I am also proud to call MY FRIEND.

I have got his mobile phone number too, so at the first sign of trouble, I have a personal line to the local BOBBY!!! (Target no. 1 will be a young "Afro-Caribbean" lady of disrepute who has moved in up the road who, as rumour would have it, is bringing down the tone of the area by bringing "clients" into this beautiful part of the world.

These things are DEADLY

2012-01-07T08:46:00.002Z

I have said it before, and I'll say it again. If the good Lord had intended us to fly, He would have given us wing.

I read this morning of a hot air balloon which quite literally blew up in mid-air, killing 11 people. One only has to look at these things to realise how deadly they are. A tank full of propane, a very hot flame, and a little basket full of people 10,000 feet up in the air do not make for a good combination.

Obscenity Trial

2012-01-06T12:58:00.001Z

I just stumbled across this account of an ongoing obscenity trial.

That sort of thing is so sick. I haven't been able to finish my lunch today. Let us hope this person is convicted and locked up for a VERY long time. The moral fabric of society is in danger of disintegrating.

Happy Epiphany to All

2012-01-06T11:19:00.002Z

Today is the day when we Christians celebrate the visitation of the Three Wise Men to the Baby Jesus. These brave men trekked a long way - possibly over one thousand miles - to see Him. They brought Him gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

So what can you give to King Jesus this Epiphany? Maybe the unbelievers here would like to at least open their Bibles and read the account of the Three Wise Men in Matthew's gospel (Ch 2)? Maybe a little prayer, even if you have never prayed before - for those you love or for the poor and destitute perhaps? Best of all, you could give your heart to Him. You will not regret it and that is a promise.

Victory for Creationism!

2012-01-04T11:32:00.003Z

I, for one, was delighted by the excellent performance put in by the anti-evolutionist Rick Santorum in the Iowa caucuses. I was saddened to see he was beaten by that mormon, but to come from utter obscurity to within a whisker of victory will hopefully set him up for the rest of the campaign. He has now taken over from Ron Paul as my preferred candidate to kick the antichrist's ass out of the White House this November.

Here is a good, traditional, no nonsense Christian who is opposed to the decline of the moral fibre of society and will take no nonsense from the likes of Iran or any of these other war-mongering states. But what I like about him most is that he is a fierce opponent of evolution, and is dedicated to bringing God back into the classroom, where He belongs.

Mighty row with so-called "scientist" from....

2012-01-03T22:58:00.006Z

... ANGLIA RUSKIN "UNIVERSITY"!!!!!!!!!!!

[EDITED]

So, no surprises that yours truly won a mighty argument re. evolution with a scientist from this university tonight at a local meeting of important community activists.

Is evolution really science?

2011-12-28T16:42:00.003Z

A good creation-evolution debate was held last night on the yahoo chat rooms, and I am pleased to report it was a clear victory for the creationists involved (including my good self).

But the key move was made by an old cyber-pal of mine, Dan from Toronto, who said this:

In order to qualify as 'scientific', a hypothesis must be capable of being tested. That means that it must not only be capable of being observed, but also it must be falsifiable. Yet in spite of a century and a half of this theory doing the milkrounds, not one evolutionist has devised a test which is capable of falsifying the theory of evolution. Thus the theory of evolution is not true science at all. In fact, it is much more akin to holding blind religious faith.

Not a single evolutionist had an answer to THAT. Well argued, Dan my friend. So if evolution should be taught is science class, so should creationism. Either both or science or neither is science.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T11:12:00.001Z

Wishing all my contributors, past, present and future and very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Just remember JESUS is the REASON for the SEASON.

Rabbit Butcher joins Hitchens in Hell

2011-12-21T00:22:00.003Z

And so, Kim-jong-il, or whatever his name is, has been struck down dead by the Lord, and promptly despatched to Hell to join other recent occupants, such as Christopher Higgins and Elizabeth Taylor.

I detested this man since I read of his butchery of ten beautiful rabbits a few years ago.

http://www.theweek.co.uk/people-news/kim-jong-il/43754/giant-rabbits-and-virgin-blood-krazy-world-kim-jong-il

Well, the irony is the offspring of those rabbits will now be eating the carrots and greens of the fields whilst King Jesus roasts that warmongerer on a hot skewer over the coals of HELL.

(Well said Sen. John McCain!!!!)http://www.ndtv.com/article/world/kim-jong-il-is-in-a-warm-corner-of-hell-159430

Eminent paper rejected :(

2011-12-20T11:36:00.002Z

I regret to announce that my paper, "Why the Large Hadron Collider is an extremely bad and expensive idea", has been rejected by the journal Physics Letters.

I was downtrodden about this for several days, as a huge amount of work went into it. But lo and behold, I did then read this:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-16222710

If a gentleman by the name of Professor Peter Higgs had his theory rejected, then perhaps there is yet hope for yours truly. Following in Professor Peter Higgs footsteps (even though I do not believe the Higgs boson actually exists), the paper has now been sent to the journal "Physical Review Letters". So fingers crossed!

Singer "Michael Bublé" is going to hell

2011-12-16T00:39:00.002Z

The Lord did tonight reveal to me in a dream the true nature of this musical "artist". 'Nuff said really. He is Satan's servant.

Which came first, the seed or the plant???

2011-12-14T08:15:00.003Z

We all know how evolutionists squirm when it comes to dealing with the "chicken and the egg" situation. We all know that life has to come from an egg, but likewise an egg has to come from a life. So evolutionists have devised something called "biogenesis explanatory theory" that attempts to reconcile this biological impossibility.

BUT what evolutionists have not exactly been honest about is that their so-called "explanation" cannot apply to plants and seeds. Seeds are spawned from the plant, but without the plant there can be no life in the first place.

It is clear to me that the only logical explanation is that the first seed had to be planted by something or someone. I know who that someone was. His name is JESUS.

Have the evolutionists got any satisfactory, alternative explanation???? Answers on a postcard please...

Oh dear...

2011-12-09T18:49:00.001Z

Oh dear! Dr Ellison has only gone and STORMED OUT of the treatment facility after a MIGHTY ROW with his doctor. This is not good news, not good news at all.

Dr Ellison unwell

2011-12-05T13:53:00.002Z

It is with great regret that I must report that Dr Ellison is currently very unwell following a recent incident and is going into hospital today for treatment. He passes on his regards and hopes to be with you all again soon.

The Lie

2011-11-29T13:09:00.004Z

This is the rather provocative title of my next book I wish to recommend. It is by Prof. Ken Ham and is called THE LIE: EVOLUTION.

Like my previous book, this one is also available online, FREE at NO CHARGE WHATSOEVER:

http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/lie

The main reasons why I liked this book are twofold. First of all, I widely cited it in my phd thesis as it expounds with great clarity how there is no such thing as objective science. Everyone is biased and contemporary scientific "method" is biased towards evolutionary thinking. This can be evidenced by the fact that 99% of editors of peer review science journals are evolutionists. The other thing that this book does very well is to expose the myth that science is somehow "AMORAL" and shows what awful social ills have followed in the wake of expanding humanistic evolutionary theory. Abortion, hopelessness, suicide, racism and Nazism can all be traced back to evolutionary world views.

"An abnormality of mind"

2011-11-23T13:56:00.004Z

Turns out this has been said about yours truly by a so-called "doctor" of medicine behind his back. The Freedom of Information Act is a wonderful thing.

Right now I am compiling a case to send to the General Medical Council to have this fiend of science STRUCK OFF FROM THE MEDICAL REGISTER. Phrases like that are usually used by lawyers in murder trials, they are not medical terms at all and have absolutely no clinical definition. So this guy is in SERIOUS trouble.

I AM SURE WE ARE ALL AGREED THAT NO QUACK SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO PRACTICE MEDICINE.

Compelling reading

2011-11-23T08:58:00.003Z

In my next few entries I will be recommending some books I have read of late and which I would urge my readers to do likewise.

The first is an ONLINE BOOK, so you have no excuse!!!

It is called "In the Beginning: Compelling Evidence for Creation and the Flood" and is by Dr. Walt Brown. It is available HERE.

In this book, Dr. Brown presents a robust and hard-hitting case for creationism. His arguments are lucid and precise, and are buttressed by a rigorous review of all the research evidence, and he quite literally tears to shreds the arguments of his opponents. Whilst evolutionists have tried to present counterarguments, it is widely accepted that they have failed to present a convincing case in favour. It is also interesting that evolutionist after evolutionist has refused to enter into debate with him. Could this be because Dr. Brown has himself come to be proved correct in many other areas of science? Take, for instance, the composition of comets, in which the scientific establishment had to acknowledge that Dr Brown was right about the fact that they were composed of less than 1% water. If he was proved right about that, what else might he be right about??????

I have read a lot of books on creationism, and this is by far the best. It is highly recommended.

Locum pharmacist urgently required

2011-11-18T10:55:00.001Z

Moi???

Just a suggestion. Have sent in my CV. 'Nuff said.

Farewell then, great preacher

2011-11-14T23:15:00.004Z

And so Dr Paisley, at the age of 85 years of age, is set to retire as a minister.

He has been one of the greatest figures in Irish political history. Although I did not agree with his decision to enter into government with the IRA, I have never quarrelled with his religious position and I have never heard a better preacher. Perhaps he will be remembered best for his brave confrontation of the old antichrist of the Tiber, "Pope" John Paul, whilst being physically attacked by papists of French and Italian origin. He was also widely acknowledged as a lovely, warm and generous man on a personal level. That is perhaps why Roman Catholics in North Antrim have voted for him in their thousands election after election. Here is a man who opened his arms to all, and rejected no-one, with the love of Christ. How I wish I could be as gentle and as lovely as that wonderful, Christian man. Hopefully Jesus will give him a few years rest with his lovely wife, Eileen, before calling him home.

May Dr. Paisley have a long and happy retirement.

To catch a predator

2011-11-14T22:57:00.002Z

I have just had the most awesome evening watching society's most evil, subhuman ANIMALS get caught in the act of attempting to snare children into committing lewd and lascivious acts.

For those who do not know of it, TO CATCH A PREDATOR is a splendid piece of television, whereby paedophiles are ensnared and caught in the act, before being turned over to the law. The rich and famous cannot escape, even a PUBLIC PROSECUTOR was recently caught in the act and committed SUICIDE as a RESULT!!!!!

I would very much favour a similar show to be launched in Britain.... I strongly suspect we might see one of two famous names come a rat-a-tat-tatting on the door looking to engage in unnatural acts with children. No names mentioned (I will not expose myself to libel), but I am sure we are all thinking of the same people.

Secret Santa, shmanta

2011-11-11T14:55:00.003Z

Do I look or act like a four year old? If not, THEN WHY ARE WE FUNERAL PROFESSIONALS BEING ASKED TO JOIN IN A STUPID GAME OF "SECRET SANTA". I am not spending my hard-earned money on someone I do not like or barely know, when there are 35,000 rabbits in animal sanctuaries up and down this green and pleasant land with no-one to love them or care for them. I am going to adopt a family of five new bunnies next week, three white, two black and one brown. They will join Mylene No.2, making six bunnies in total. Alas, there will still be a further 34,995 bunnies in Shelters and any spare money I have will be going to support them via the Rabbit Welfare Association and Fund.

AND WHAT IS MORE, I do not want to receive a gift from someone who I know for a fact does not like me and talks behind my back. THAT'S WHAT I CALL HYPOCRISY.

AND, MOREOEVER, what sort of a reputation will this funeral home have if a bereaved widow walks through the door and sees staff staggering around, drinking wine and listening to Christmas music when their husband of many years has just been crushed in an industrial accident at work. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW THAT WOULD LOOK?????

Besides, I am still not convinced in my own mind that Santa Claus is an altogther Christian phenomenum. Last year a woman almost succeeded in changing my mind on the issue, but I am beginning to think that my traditional view of Santa Claus (namely that he is a FAT RED DEMON perpetuating pagan lies about Jesus) is altogether more in line with Biblical teaching.

Internationally acclaimed scientist invited to give a distinguished lecture at top US university

2011-11-10T22:50:00.003Z

(1) WHO is this "internationally acclaimed scientist", I hear you ask...

(2) And what is this distinguished lecture?

(3) And where is this top university?

Answers:

(1) Dr Garvan Ellison

(2) "The science of embalming: affirming a Christian perspective in death"

(3) Tulsa, Oklahoma, U.S.A.

Revolving Bookcase to be installed!!!!

2011-11-10T09:28:00.001Z

Yours truly has just ordered the most fantastic REVOLVING BOOKCASE. I have always loved these things since I first saw them on Scooby Doo and I always thought I would like one. So I did recently get in touch with a local joiner who is going to build one and then he will have to knock through the wall between the kitchen and the living room and then he will install it. So I can disappear and reappear in an instant!!!

How cool and awesome is that?????

Time for men to fight back

2011-11-08T23:16:00.001Z

Feminazism is everywhere these days, I have just come across this man-hating site.

http://www.womensviewsonnews.org/

Anyone here interesting in starting up a manly website where men can discuss THEIR views on current affairs and exclude any contributions by women???????

National Health Service for Animals

2011-11-08T22:59:00.004Z

Does it occur to anyone else that it is somewhat discriminatory for humans to deem themselves worthy of a health service that is free at the point of use, but to deny that same right to ANIMALS????

Is it not the case that this is a form of SPECIESISM, designed to discriminate in favour of those who we deem to be the same as "us", whilst denying right to those who are "different", ie. the "others".

I, for one, am strongly in favour of moves to extend the NHS to animals. I accept that in these financially stringent times such a move would be opposed by many on the loony left, but I would suggest that we limit it to the following species of mammal with which mankind has historically had most affinity, these being:

1. Rabbits, hares and other members of the taxonomic order Lagomorpha.
2. Cats (including wild cats like lions and tigers).
3. Non-aggressive and peaceable species of dogs (eg, Labrador retrievers, Golden retrievers), but no aggressive breeds (eg, alsatians and rottweilers).
4. Bears.
5. Cows, pigs, sheep and similar farmyard animals.
6. Parrots, black cockatoos and other similarly intelligent birds (who ought really to have been classified as mammals from the outset).
7. Monkeys and other apes (excluding baboons).

This would be a good starting point, and just by putting a tuppence on income tax we could quite literally save MILLIONS of animal lives every year!!!! Farmers could also contribute a 40% sales tax on any animal they send to market.

BUYING AND SELLING ANIMALS IS NO LESS JUSTIFIABLE THAN BUYING AND SELLING PEOPLE.

Then, in a few years time once we are out of this financial mess, the scheme could be extended to include a few other animals like goats and horses and chickens.

Killer sent DOWN

2011-11-08T00:02:00.003Z

At last, millions of fans and followers the world over (including yours truly) can REJOICE in the knowledge that justice has been done.

Michael's killer has been rightfully convicted by due process of law. Without this so-called doctor, Michael would still be alive today, bringing joy to millions and healing pain and conflict wherever it be found. Without Michael's songs such as "Heal the World" and "Man in the Mirror", yours truly would still be serving the devil, living off liquor and loose women. Thanks to Michael, I (and I suspect millions of others) turned to Jesus.

Tonight his killer is behind bars, and that is a cause for celebration. Although many of us believed this so-called doctor deserved the death penalty, the main thing is he is off our streets and Michael's good name - despite being dragged through the mud by the Devil's people - remains intact.

Tonight it has been confirmed that Michael Jackson was an innocent victim of homicide. Lest we forget.

Global warming, schwarming

2011-11-04T11:37:00.001Z

So, if global warming is real and the poles are melting, how can scientists explain THIS

Scandanavian people NOT in my good books today

2011-11-03T10:44:00.001Z

'Nuff said really.

Administrator password acquired

2011-11-02T10:14:00.001Z

'Nuff said...

MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

External bodily transplants are not natural

2011-11-02T08:13:00.003Z

Now I see the medicine men have embarked on a HAND TRANSPLANT to follow up on the recent face transplant a few years ago.

Sorry, but irrespective of any benefits I cannot possibly fathom the idea that transplantation of exterior parts of the body, ie. face and hands are acceptable. These features are unique to every human being, and it is WRONG and UNJUSTIFIABLE for one person to be carrying around the unique features of another.

Internal organs I can (just about) live with, but NOT EXTERNAL FEATURES.

It is unnatural, and it is WRONG, and even the transplantee could end up regretting it, if, for example, the donor was originally a thief and had left finger prints at the scene of a heinous crime. This may seem unlikely and implausible... UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU.

Also, there is another good reason for objecting. As a mortician, I embalm many people and prepare them for viewing after death and I know for a FACT that relatives take great comfort from being able to see them at peace. Now I could conceal a missing hand, but a MISSING FACE???? No, the only option there would be to have a closed casket, THUS DEPRIVING THE FAMILIES OF THAT FINAL MOMENT TO SAY GOODBYE.

And, what is more, in the case of a face transplant, what would happen if one day those relatives did see the face of their loved one walking down the street on someone else's body???? THE SHOCK COULD QUITE LITERALLY KILL THEM.

Fangs are in for HELLoween

2011-10-31T09:35:00.002Z

Today is Helloween, AKA Satan's birthday. One cannot help but detect the strange chill of evil in the air.

Hehe, yours truly has donned his FAKE FANGS for work today, so let us hope no grieving widows expect me to pull a smile!!!!!!

MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

The Lizard of Oz strikes again

2011-10-21T08:50:00.004+01:00

Here is yet another reason why the Australians should rid themselves of that dastardly ginger woman...

Old lady coming for dinner tonight

2011-10-21T08:37:00.003+01:00

One of the good things about growing up in Northern Ireland was that FIREWORKS were banned. Pets and children and the elderly were not terrified to death every October and November by young hoods letting off fireworks in the street. Last night there was but a terrible kerfuffle in the village of Birdlip, with young hoods letting off fireworks all evening long. Poor Queen Mylene II was terrified, the little bunny was trembling so much it was horrible to watch. Of course, PC Plod was not interested since fireworks are "LEGAL".

Once they had stopped (about 9.45pm or so), I did decide that it was my neighbourly and CHRISTIAN duty to check on the wellbeing of old Mrs Bojangles (not her real name of course), who lives close by. Fortunately she was not too shook up,although I think maybe she was trying to hide somewhat her distressed state. Anyway, I decided to invite her around for dinner tonight as a neighbourly gestures, and I am pleased to announce that she has indeed accepted.

I am going to cook a proper three course meal. To start with I am going to make some grilled aubergines, then I was thinking about a vegan Vietnamese curry for the main course. But a lot of old people do not like spicy and/or foreign food, so instead I think I will make a vegetable tart with some potatoes. Yes, that I think would go down nicely. Then for dessert I shall prepare a sherry trifle. All old people like sherry trifle, I remember my grandmother made it every Christmas when I was a lad.

Recently I purchased a bottle of this, for practical joke purposes. If it were anyone else coming to dinner, I would mix some into the sherry trifle but I better not do it with old Mrs Bojangles or she might wee herself or even DIE OF A HEART ATTACK!!!!

Then after dessert we might allow ourselves a drop of the finest Devil's buttermilk to toast the death of the brutal IRA-supporting Gaddafi in Libya. HEY-HO!!!! :D

CLIP CLOP must STOP

2011-10-19T11:07:00.003+01:00

Is there anything more annoying that the clippity-clip-clop of women walking round the office wearing high-heeled shows and boots?????

The noise really sends a shiver down my spine.

This is a funeral director's office, not the Moulin Rouge. Why these wanton harlots want to dress like this not only grates on me, but it is also mightily disrespectful to the elderly gentleman lying on the slab beside me here who is waiting to be embalmed.

HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE DEAD PEOPLE!!!!

HELLBOUND GINGER "COMEDIENNE"

2011-10-14T23:17:00.002+01:00

Mockers of the Lord, be they male or female, ginger, fair or dark, will all share the same fate: HELL.

Here is a description of the latest attempt of London's "West End" (aka Satan's bowels) to mock the Lord:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-15258303

This woman, and everyone involved in the production and promotion of such blasphemy is hellbound and in need of repentance and salvation.

"And shall cast them into a FURNACE OF FIRE: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth." Matthew 13:42.

"Where THEIR WORM dieth not, and the fire is not quenched." Mark 9:46.

Visit of the Raj forthcoming!!!

2011-10-10T21:55:00.006+01:00

I am delighted to announce that my good friend Raj, of Raj Hall, Chesterfield is to visit me TOMORROW EVENING as he does have some urgent engineering business to attend to in the grand city of GLOUCESTER. And, what is more, he is staying OVERNIGHT!!!

This is but a wonderful opportunity for us to re-establish the wonderful, close friendship we enjoyed in the great city of Chesterfield for six long and wonderful years. And, what is more... HE DOES NOT HAVE HIS STINKING, ARROGANT WIFE IN TOW!!!!!

This really is such wonderful news. The agenda for tomorrow evening is thus:

5pm. Raj arrives. I give him a tour of my little house and will show him my one remaining bunny, Queen Mylene II :(

6pm. Dinner will be served. I will fusion cook a vegetable curry pie with chips. FUSION COOKING.... representing the good friendship between a Brit and an Indian.

7pm. Dinner will be completed and we shall retire to the living room where we shall have a conversation. The agenda is as follows:

1. All the goings on in Chesterfield, and whether Wing Wang Wong is still up to his old tricks
2. The situation is Kashmir and current state of relations between Pakistan and India.
3. What a waste of money the 2012 Olympics are.
4. Business opportunities in the Southwest that require investment.

7.45pm. Raj shall be shown a powerpoint presentation of my GRAND TOUR (including photographs taken prior to camera being stolen by an Argentinian.)

8.45pm. We shall walk down to the local public house where a quiz takes place every Tuesday night.

9pm. Quiz begins. Our team name shall be the "DEADLY DUO".

11pm. We shall be merry and will make our way back to my humble abode. QUIZ VICTORS... maybe (providing there is no pop music or sport).

11.25-VERY LATE INDEED. We shall stay up late, and talk about the ways of the world and how political correctness is leading to the downfall of Great Britain.

Now, I hope my employer does not mind if I take a day's leave at short notice tomorrow.... a FUSION PIE takes a lot of preparation!!!!!!!!

Godly Ron Paul for President

2011-10-06T22:25:00.002+01:00

Like many people throughout the free world, I was bitterly disappointed to hear that the wonderful Sarah Palin has decided not to run for president in 2012.

But every star has a silver lining, and hopefully now her supporters will flock to the cause of the Godly Texas congressman, Ron Paul. He has an impeccable record of service to his country, having served as a doctor in Vietnam. He is a fully qualified medical doctor, who, despite his political career, has always found time to practice medicine, and has waived his fee many times to help the poor who could not afford to pay. Especially ladies of colour who experienced difficulties during childbirth, so contrary to wicked internet lies, he is not a racist either.

But what I particularly like about him is that here is a scientist who is 100% opposed to evolution. Listen to him in this excerpt putting some smart-ass liberal journalist straight on the matter!!!!! And sorry evolutionists, but you cannot claim that this is someone who is not qualified to comment as Ron Paul is QUALIFIED MEDICAL DOCTOR.

It takes a lot of courage for an elderly man to stand up against the evil fads of modern society such as abortion, homosexuality, immigration, feminism, global warming etc. but here is a man who is not afraid to speak his mind. God willing, the Republican Party will select him and he will shoo the Antichrist out of the White House in the election next year.

Foxy Knoxy is INNOCENT

2011-10-03T22:51:00.004+01:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, for many years I have been convinced that there is one thing we do very well in England: criminal justice. And, as regular contributors know, I speak as one who has been through that system, and served time at Her Majesty's pleasure. It is not an infallible system, but it at least it gives defendants a proper opportunity to challenge the evidence of PC Plod.

And thus, we see the tragic case tonight of a young American woman, Amanda Knox. She was imprisoned for FOUR YEARS for a crime she did not commit. I myself did not approve of her sexually deviant lifestyle, but that is a matter between her and the Lord and not these "macho" Italians who decided to lock up an innocent person.

Every Italian should tonight take a long, hard look at himself and ask what sort of a country he lives in. CIVILISED COUNTRIES DO NOT LOCK INNOCENT PEOPLE UP FOR FOUR YEARS.

The Italian legal system, like most of the rest of continental Europe, is founded on the Roman Law, and the inquisitorial method which results in thousands of people receiving an unfair trial every year. It is a thoroughly wicked system, which needs to be overthrown.

Give me a judge and jury and a cross-examiner any day, because only a fair fight can produce a just outcome.

Hopefully now Ms Knox will return to the United States and will spend time in prayer. Hopefully she will find time to thank Jesus that justice has prevailed (he could have kept her in prison had he wanted) and will repent of her sexual transgressions and be born again to live a wholesome and meaningful life, walking with Jesus every step.

I have been there. I have repented. I have been born again. Praise Jesus!!!!

Get off our land!!!!

2011-09-27T19:02:00.002+01:00

A virtual pat on the back is due to Ulster farmer Cllr. Alan Graham who has shooed a scantily clad "sex symbol" (*turns away to puke into a bucket*) from his land.

This is a victory for moral righteousness, for Godliness and for the good God-fearing people of Ulster who will not let their country go to the dogs like the rest of the UK and Europe. I am delighted to see that the Bible is still taken seriously in Northern Ireland, so when it says that women should dress in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety (1 Tim 2: 9-10), God's people know what that means and uphold it.

They do not question, they do not alter the meaning, they do not add qualifications, excuses or exemptions, they simply obey.

We need more of that attitude, and I would ask that my Christian followers tonight join me in a prayer of thanksgiving to the Lord for giving Cllr. Alan Graham to stand up to this she-devil and drive it away. Also please pray for this woman that she may repent of her wickedness and come to know and obey the Lord.

Laws of Physics TURNED ON THEIR HEAD!!!

2011-09-23T22:33:00.002+01:00

And so, we learn today that EINSTEIN WAS WRONG and (as I and many other dissenters have always claimed), there is nothing to prevent particles travelling faster than the speed of light.

Scientists have proved this not just once, but 15,000 TIMES!!!!! Scientists are stumped, and cannot explain it.

Like many other dissenters, I was ridiculed and smeared by the establishment for suggesting that the speed of light could be exceeded. But LO AND BEHOLD, we have been proved RIGHT.

Now, I wonder, will evolutionists now take a step backwards and admit that the THEORY of Darwinian evolution is every bit as fallible as Einstein's E=MC2.

What is considered KNOWLEDGE today may well be considered NONSENSE tomorrow. Same goes for heliocentrism.

Wild state

2011-09-19T23:38:00.002+01:00

For those of you wondering where I have been, I lost my beloved bunny Clipper last week and have been in a desperate state altogether ever since.

Not being one of the sheeple means....

2011-09-11T08:49:00.002+01:00

1. Not believing everything the establishment says just because they are the establishment.

2. Critically challenging and questioning those so-called fundamental principles of modern science (ie, periodic table, laws of physics, evolution, age of earth, heliocentrism, global warming, solid earth theory, etc.)

3. Taking a stance for what is right and what is true, even if it makes you unpopular.

4. Realising that you have better things to do with your time than watching sport.

5. Knowing that apparent friends could, in reality, be your next enemy; and that your next-door neighbour could be the next Mohamed Atta.

6. Not having an iphone, imac, ipad or any of that "apple" carry on.

7. Realising that most "conditions", "diseases", "syndromes", etc. are nothing other than mere labels of language devised by the pharmaceutical corporations and the government for the purposes of manufacturing drugs and making $$$$.

8. Treating animals as you would treat your fellow man.

9. Gazing up at outer space in all its glory, and appreciating it for what it is: the great unknown. We do not have to believe man has ventured up there and explored it and sent huge chunks of metal to orbit the earth to appreciate its wonders. Somewhere, up there, is the Heavenly Throne where Christ reigns with His angels.

10. Knowing in an increasingly secular and demonic world that CHRIST IS STILL KING and the Bible is 100% true. Alleluia!

The Tell-Tale-Tit is the daughter of a POLICEMAN

2011-09-09T16:41:00.002+01:00

So I did find out today. WHY IS IT that policemen and their families think they have some God-given authority to bully the rest of us into submission???

This is NOT THE FIRST TIME I have noticed that the families of policemen like to act like schoolyard bullies.

Now, due to the fact the old commenting system has been removed, I do not know who to credit for this, but I do recall one my contributors offering up a very quick-witted response.

When a bully says to you "My daddy's a policeman and will put you in jail", you just reply "My daddy's a murderer and will put your daddy in the ground."

Now, of course, I do not support the murder of anyone but I am thinking here of poor, innocent children who are being subjected to this sort of thing on a daily basis. A good, sharp reply like that will put such bullies in their place.

"How is this relevant to your situation, Dr. Ellison?", I hear thee ask.

Well, dear reader, let me tell you this. The woman who let this information "slip" about her father, did so deliberately, to try to "scare" me into submission of her.

Hahaha! The fool, the fool! Has she not learned yet that I am FIRE and you should not play with FIRE!!!!?????

Next week I am going to "let it slip" that I have served time at her majesty's pleasure. No one need know why. But, from past experience, letting people know that one has done so can engender a certain degree of .... deference.

MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Nuclear Fusion nonsense!!!

2011-09-09T13:09:00.000+01:00

Been there, done that, doesn't work.

Peanuts, Peanuts, EVERYWHERE

2011-09-07T17:52:00.001+01:00

Follow the trial... where will it go???

Into a dark, dusty cupboard on the top floor.

And there, hung from the ceiling will be...

A FAKE HUMAN HAND SMOTHERED IN BLOOD!!!!!!!

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I am just about to leave the office, and am the last one out. Now is that a GREAT PRACTICAL JOKE or WHAT?!!!!

Dr Ellison has his OWN OFFICE now

2011-09-05T12:07:00.002+01:00

After many meetings and confrontations, the great office fight was resolved by DR ELLISON BEING GIVEN HIS OWN OFFICE!!!!! This is a GREAT VICTORY INDEED. Moreover, the women in question had to apologise to me for calling me names, and I had to offer a written apology to one of them for putting the dead bird in her bag, and I accepted an "official warning", but WHAT A RESULT!!!

Now I have my own embalming room AND my own office. I have affixed a bolt to the door so now I can lock it and ensure that these women do not interrupt me whilst working.

Now, back to corpses. It's what I do best in life :)

WHAT A Tell-tale-Tit

2011-08-31T17:57:00.002+01:00

So, yours truly has received an email summoning him to a meeting at 8.30am "sharp" tomorrow morning.

Well, SORRY TO INFORM YOU MR. "DYKES" THAT I AM TAKING MY RABBIT TO THE VET TOMORROW FOR A CHECK-UP SO THERE WILL BE NO MEETING THEN.

AND when this meeting takes place, I will reveal the nature of the WORKPLACE BULLYING I have endured since Monday morning and if he so much dares to criticise me for my entirely reasonable and proportionate response then I will threaten him with the LOCAL NEWSPAPER. Ha!!!

Frozen starling placed in stupid woman's handbag

2011-08-31T11:19:00.005+01:00

'Nuff said. I am not going to incriminate myself here except to say that people who mock and ridicule me learn very quickly indeed that to do so will have nasty consequences.

Come lunchtime there will be screaming in the office.

We say NO to UNNATURAL THINGS

2011-08-29T16:09:00.003+01:00

As some of you know, I keep a close eye on what the CHINESE get up to as I suspect their motives may be less than honourable at times.

Well, today I did get directed to THIS webpage, which shows how a JAPANESE evolutionist scientist is proposing to recreate a woolly mammoth.

This sort of thing goes against nature on an unprecedented scale. If the Good Lord saw it fit to kill of a species, then what right has mankind got to recreate it.

BAD SCIENCE. POOR ETHICS. NOT IN MY NAME.

The Danger of Solar Panels

2011-08-19T09:43:00.003+01:00

This posting is for the benefit of Yellowcat and anyone else who might have fitted solar panels as part of this green fad we are in.

I, for one, would not have these things about me. I believe they can cause unacceptably high levels of radiation, and here is why. Here is how a solar panel works. It absorbs energy from solar rays and converts it to electricity. It is this conversion process which generates radiation. This process involves the solar rays being zapped across an electrical field at something approaching the speed of light. The rate at which the acceleration of these solar particles occurs is more than adequate to generate substantial levels of radiation, which, in turn can cause dangerous lesions and cancers to the occupants of the building which contains solar panels.

In a nutshell, that is my thesis. You will not find the corporations or the government admitting this, because solar panels = big business = lots of $$$$$ for the corporations and for the government in tax revenues. But if you understand how solar energy is converted to electricity, and do some basic research into the causes of radiation, you will see that my thesis makes perfect sense.

Evolution of WOOD

2011-08-17T08:23:00.003+01:00

Can an evolutionist please explain to me how and why WOOD evolved????

FACT: Plants are made of leaves and stems and do not contain any wood.

Evolutionists claim that trees did not evolve for 15 million years after the first plants appeared.

So why did it take so long for wood to evolve why plants would have benefited from having a height advantage over their competitors from the moment they first appeared???

New job!!!

2011-08-15T10:28:00.003+01:00

Yours truly is sitting here at his NEW desk in his NEW job at a funeral director's in the fine city of Gloucester. I am officially employed half time as an embalmer and half time as a clerical officer. This is my first FULL-TIME job for many a year, so we shall have to see what we can make of this situation. Full-time employment will give me the opportunity to replenish my bank account after my grand WORLD TOUR and also to purchase a new jeep as my Landrover Defender is on its last legs and needs to go.

If, dear reader, you thought some of the characters in my last office were WEIRDOS, wait til I tell you about the ones I am working with now!!!!!

But had better wait til I get home, just in casey. Except to say that there is a woman called Georgina who is the book-keeper who is REALLY REALLY annoying and has stick-think arms. I think she might be anorexic.

All quiet today, just doing some clerical work as no corpses have yet arrived for me to work on.

The cause of these riots

2011-08-10T20:14:00.005+01:00

And so, dear reader, I write to you as our country lies in a state of near-anarchy, with chaos and riots in virtually every road of every city. It is times such as this that I thank God that I live in the countryside.

What we need to resolve this situation in the short-term is simple: more policing, and tougher policing. We should be bringing our the army and placing tanks on every street corner if that is what it takes. We should be using water cannon and tear gas and plastic bullets and rubber bullets (and steel bullets and artillery shells where necessary). Those who are caught should be locked up and the key thrown away. They should lose all their benefits and never be allowed to work again. These scumbags are the lowest of the low.

SIGN HERE to DEMAND that the government takes action to ensure that these low-life vermin never sponge off our state again.

SOME LIBERAL LEFTIES are demanding we enquire as to why these riots are happening, and are blaming the government for the spending cuts, or the police. WHAT A LOAD OF HIPPY HUFFLEPUFF!!! These people are running around in £100 trainers and £20,000 Golf GTIs, they are professional criminals and scumbags who have no place in a decent law-abiding society.

As a pal of mine explained exactly why this happened today on facebook:

You went soft on discipline!.. You went soft on immigration! You went soft on crime.. Parents were told.. 'No you can't smack the kids'....Teachers were prevented from chastising kids in schools.. The police couldn't clip a troublemaker round the ear. Tell a kid off or defending your family or property against thugs and vandalism usually ended up with the defender being sued. This is the society we created but please lets act now and only let it be one generation not several.

I agree with this analysis 100% except that one factor has been omitted: evolution. If children are taught from the age of 5 that they evolved from animals, they will behave like animals. If they are nothing more than monkeys, and if there is no afterlife, there is no need to "behave", let alone obey the law. Evolutionists, this is the broken generation that YOU have created!!!!!

Barmy European human rights law...

2011-08-03T23:55:00.003+01:00

... ARE PUTTING THE SAFETY OF OUR YOUNG PEOPLE AT RISK!!!

Take a look at THIS STORY.

MESSAGE TO WOULD-BE ILLEGAL ASYLUM SEEKERS LIKE THIS FIEND: If you come to this land by the grace of the people who live year, you damn well should (a) speak the Queen's English; (b) live by our laws.

If you molest our women and our children, the VAST MAJORITY of British people will deem you no longer welcome and will rightfully tell you to go back to bongo-bongo land or wherever it is that you're from. We have enough sexual deviants in this country without adding any more from foreign shores thank you.

RESTORE JUSTICE NOW!!!!!!

2011-08-03T23:32:00.002+01:00

I, for one, am delighted to see that Parliament now seems set to debate the restoration of the death penalty.

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!!!!

And thanks to the sterling efforts of people like the creator of the petition, blogger GUIDO FAWKES, our MPs will at last be forced to answer a very simple question: "WILL I DO THE DECENT THING, AND ENFORCE THE WILL OF THE BRITISH PEOPLE, OR DOES DEMOCRACY NO LONGER MATTER???"

Child Killers like Ian Huntley and Levi Bellfield are fully deserving of DEATH. Why should the taxpayers continue to support their very existence in prison??? I would not even spend the money on paying for a hangman, I would just let them starve to death in their cells like the IRA Hunger Strikers and fast-track them to Hell that way. One Satan gets hold of them, they will be buggered in Hell for all eternity with a hot iron poker. Believe me folks, the Lord our God will not let this vermin escape with a mere snap of the neck!!!!!!!

I personally would like to see the death penalty extended to a much wider range of crimes, as prescribed by the Bible, but for now I think it would be an excellent development for it to be restored for CHILD KILLERS as a start. Oh yes.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2022147/Capital-punishment-People-power-forces-MPs-vote-death-penalty.html

http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/82471,people,news,guido-fawkes-campaigns-to-restore-death-penalty

http://order-order.com/2011/07/30/mps-back-campaign-for-death-penalty-vote/

Is DEATH good news or bad news??????

2011-08-03T23:18:00.003+01:00

Good (and bad) news! My good friend's wife, "JEAN", passed away at the weekend. It is always sad when someone dies, especially when it comes slightly sooner than expected but it (a) saved her husband a lot of mental anguish; (b) saved her ongoing pain and discomfort; and (c) saved me an extra trip across the Irish Sea. So overall I would conclude that it was a positive event.

If euthanasia were legal she could have left this earth in her own time, instead of enduring the pain and suffering that she had to go through. Her body was riddled with teeny tiny cancer cells which were eating away at her breast, liver, stomach and pancreas!!! What a mess her insides must have been (though I have seen much worse in my capacity as a professional embalmer).

This terrible event has only made me more determined to find the cure for cancer before my days on this earth are over. I am certain that magnetism and mercury could provide at least part of the solution, though I still need to work on the "how" bit ;)

Another hole in evolution theory...

2011-07-27T08:15:00.002+01:00

Seems the 'old earthers' are well and truly stumped as to how animal protein can survive tens of millions of years....

Crossing the Irish Sea

2011-07-26T19:03:00.002+01:00

I am once again on the road again, come tomorrow. I shall be attending the wedding of a dear friend in lovely Portadown, Co. Armagh. There is also the possibility that I might be attending the funeral of a wife of another dear friend, who is grievously ill. It would be handy for me if she actually died whilst I was over there, to save me having to make another trip in what is likely to be a couple of weeks' time!!!!!!

Yes, I AM in favour of euthanasia!!!!!!!!!

CERN scientists to be sorely disappointed

2011-07-23T00:44:00.003+01:00

On my recent visit to CERN, I did ask my guide as to when - if Higgs existed - it would be found. Probably within the next year, was his response. And if it is not found, said I. "Then we will wait, but if it is not found in 2-3 years time, then we can presume it does not exist and we will start looking for answers all over again."

Oh dear, these LATEST results do not look good.

I have said it before, I do not believe for a second the Higgs boson exists. Just like evolution, it has never been observed, and the theory underlying it is fundamentally flawed. Yet still these foolish scientists place the entire future of planet earth in peril as they insist in squandering millions of pounds in search for this Higgs particle. Well, you will not find it.

I have already submitted my own paper to a number of leading scientific journals on why the Higgs boson cannot possibly exist (AND, more importantly), the TRUE agenda of those who continue to search for it. To date it has not been accepted, though that is not a surprise. After all, my own doctoral research confirmed that their is a fundamental bias within the scientific community against publishing anti-establishment views.

No old trees

2011-07-21T08:38:00.001+01:00

Trees do not die from old age. So, evolutionists, show me a tree that is more than 10,000 years old....

Remembering Raoul Moat

2011-07-11T15:34:00.004+01:00

It is nearly a year since the great RAOUL MOAT manhunt, where an ordinary working man from the North of England successfully evaded a nationwide search, only to turn a gun on himself, rather than be captured by police officers such as those in the photo.

Now, I for one did not condone the actions of Raoul Moat, but this time last year I was in a bad place like he was, and I can understand how an ordinary working man can suffer a break down and do things that he would not ordinarily do. Another example is Derrick Bird, who decided ENOUGH was ENOUGH when people teased and mocked him.

So when Mr Moat's family want to exercise their right to stand in quiet and dignified fashion at the spot where he died and hold a vigil for him, I say GOOD LUCK TO THEM. IT IS A FREE COUNTRY and they have EVERY RIGHT to do so.

All this has led me to spend just spent a few hours reading up about TASERS. I myself would not object to being hit by one, just to see what it felt like.

Back in Blighty!!!!

2011-07-09T12:32:00.001+01:00

Yours truly is back home after an EPIC GRAND TOUR!!!!! (apart from Argentina).

Tired now, and lots of laundry to do and bonding needed with my bunnies.

Questions we asked and answers we got

2011-07-07T08:34:00.005+01:00

Q1. How do you explain the international rise in earthquakes and tsunamis at the same moment that the LHC has begun to operate?

Response: No link at all. Energy created same as a bumble bee flying, not enough to create a black hole.

Yeah right...

Q2. How can you be 100% certain that your experiment will not open a wormhole to another galaxy or another dimension thereby opening the gateway to earth to who knows what?

Response: Same old, same old. Energy created is far too small.... blah blah blah. Entirely unconvincing.

Q3. So many things have gone wrong with the LHC since it began operating. Don't you think someone is trying to tell you something?

Response: [TOTAL DENIAL] It was always envisaged that there would be problems with a project of this scale... etc. Refused to acknowledge God's wrath on the matter.

Q4. What safeguards have you taken against the possibility of creating a black hole, which would literally suck up the entire solar system and crunch it to the size of a pin-head?

Response: Same nonsense as above. Impossible. Energy created same as a bumble bee flying, not enough to create a black hole.

Q5. How do you respond to claims that you have already created a black hole deep under the earth?

Response: Patronising laugh. Question not addressed.

Q6. Why are visitors like myself not allowed to go down under the ground and see the LHC for ourselves? What is being hidden from our eyes?

Response: Security, cost, logistics, lack of space. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Question NOT answered.

Q7. Why should I, as a UK taxpayer, be funding this project from my hard-earned wages when our country is falling apart at the seems?

Response: Understanding of where we came from and where we are going.

Counter Argument: Bible already tells us that. AND UNBELIEVERS ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!!

Counter response: *mutters soomething about great advances to medicine and engineering as well as physics. Yeah right.

Q8. Anti-matter is the most destructive substance in the universe since it essentially dissipates any sort of matter with which it comes into contact. Why do you have the need to create and store such a dangerous material? What possible benefit can it bring OTHER THAN THE MANUFACTURE OF WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION?????

Response: Incoherent mumbling about anti-matter not being capable of being stored and impossible to be used as a bomb.

CERN HERE I COME

2011-07-06T10:29:00.002+01:00

Ready or not...

TIME TO SEE THIS LARGE HADRON COLLIDER THING FOR MYSELF.

Geneva

2011-07-04T16:52:00.004+01:00

Good evening from a warm and sunny Geneva.

Yours truly has spent a lovely day by the lake spying on the locals.

There are too many Americans running around here. To be honest, I have had enough of them in recent weeks. So many of them think they know everything about everything.

Switzerland is by far the most expensive country I have visited as part of my GRAND TOUR, so much so that I have had to economise and stay in university accommodation which is horrible and basic and smelly. A bit ghastly to be honest.

Another day of sight-seeing tomorrow, perhaps a boat tour on the lake, and then on Tuesday I will go to CERN. Then the fun begins.

Question: Are you going to kick off Dr Ellison?
Answer: YES.

Not quite done yet

2011-06-27T18:16:00.002+01:00

Apologies, first of all, for my lack of updates. My laptop got stolen, so opportunities to blog have been few and far between.

Needless to say I have had an AWESOME time in the good ole' US of A. I will provide a full update about that later.

I was originally due to fly home today. But at the weekend a still, small voice told me there was one more place that I should visit before doing so.

The location of the greatest threat to the survival of mankind.

I am, of course, talking about Geneva. Time I saw this 'CERN' thing for myself...
A few more days with my good friend in Missouri. Then, on Saturday, off I go to the LAND OF SWITZERLAND.

Get me out of here

2011-06-09T20:37:00.002+01:00

What a God-forsaken hellhole Argentina is. I don't like it, it is as simple as that. Buenos Aires is dirty, noisy, smelly with dog mess everywhere. The people are a bit like the Spanish in that they insist in shouting all the time (not surprising given their ancestry).

The roads and footpaths are very uneven and I have fallen over three times in the past day.

I have also read it is full of thieves, and I have witnessed quite enough of those in recent weeks!

Plus hardly anybody speaks English, except for the bar tender in my hotel with whom I did have a MIGHTY ROW about the rightful ownership of the Falkland Islands.

I was originally going to spend a week here, but I am going to change my travel plans so I can leave as soon as possible for the good ole' US of A!!!!! There is a flight up to St Louis, Missouri on Saturday via Houston which I might catch. That way I could stop over in mighty Texas and visit cowboy country before I fly north to see my dear friend Pastor Fred in Missouri.

Disaster in the Desert

2011-06-04T09:33:00.002+01:00

No, I did NOT get lost as many of you thought I would, BUT I WAS THE VICTIM of a heinous crime, whereby my small suitcase was pinched from the hotel reception area including my LAPTOP and BRAND NEW DIGITAL CAMERA and even my PASSPORT.

This has caused me nothing but TROUBLE, TROUBLE and MORE TROUBLE and I also suspect I know who the thief was (a hotel cleaner of the aboriginal community) but the police in Alice Springs have taken no action against him.

Back in Sydney now for a couple of brief last days with my dearly beloved, and to sort out a new passport with the consulate, then I shall proceed onwards to the land of the ARGIE BARGIE on Tuesday.

Til later

2011-05-22T14:05:00.003+01:00

Dear reader,

It has been a remarkable week in Sydney!!! I have met a wonderful woman, and saw some wonderful sights, but tomorrow I must say FAREWELL. Like John the Baptist two millenia before me, I must withdraw to the desert to consider my past, my present and my future.

Tomorrow I shall fly to the middle of the Australian desert to ALICE SPRINGS, and there I shall hire a 4x4 camper van, and will disappear into the desert....

Who knows where I shall go... or how I shall live, but what I do know is that I must remove myself from civilisation as far as is possible. I will drive for days on end across dirt tracks and desert until I feel a sense of connectivity to the Lord. Only after I have ascertained His future will for me shall I return unto civilisation.

It will be hard to say farewell to my beloved tomorrow. But alas, dear reader, not quite so hard to say farewell to thee!!!!

I will update you in due course. If there is no contact within 10 days, alert the authorities and assume that the abos have kidnapped and eaten me!!!!!! LOL.

Perverts lurking in Sydney Harbour

2011-05-22T13:51:00.004+01:00

This morning we did catch a ferry from the quayside to a lovely little beach area called "Watson's Bay" to walk around the South Head of Sydney Harbour. All well and good, you might think, but what unsuspecting tourists like myself do not realise about this tourist track is that it leads to a NUDIST BEACH. I could barely believe my eyes when I saw the sign saying "clothing optional" and, MOREOVER, from the track I could see the naked people on the beach. Needless to say I did not spend much time perusing their behaviour, but I could see through my binoculars ON THE PUBLIC PATHWAY ABOVE that one person had some sort of a glass ball tied to his private parts. HOW DISGUSTING. Further internet research has revealed that I AM NOT ALONE in identifying such an outrage.

GINGER WOMAN, crack down on nudity!!!!!!!! IT IS VILE AND UNPRODUCTIVE.

Ginger minger won't shut her mouth

2011-05-22T13:46:00.004+01:00

Every day since I have arrived here she has been on the news whinging about something or another, most recently making a horrible personal attack about the leader of the opposition and the likely next leader of the Free World, Ms. Sarah Palin, along with one of the most successful businessmen in history, Donald Trump.

However did Australians elect such a horrible woman? She was not even born here - she is in fact WELSH and it is a fact that in the USA they would not entertain the idea (let alone legalise it) for a foreigner to become the leader.

THAT WOMAN IS DOING AUSTRALIA UNTOLD DAMAGE.

Question to evolutionists: The Koala

2011-05-22T13:43:00.003+01:00

My girlfriend told me an interesting fact today. All people love the koala bear, as it is very cute and cuddly and I myself had the joy of stroking one recently at a wildlife sanctuary.

But the interesting thing about these bears is that - owing to their diet of gum leaves - they are in a permanently inebriated state owing to certain chemical properties of eucalyptus oil. That is why they always appear to be sleeping and move so slowly.

So, evolutionists, how come "natural selection" hasn't sorted out this problem after the millions of years you claim that koala bears live in Australia?

Question to atheists

2011-05-22T13:40:00.001+01:00

Why is there something as opposed to nothing?????

Still my favourites...

2011-05-21T10:43:00.000+01:00

They may be regarded as "outsiders" here in Australia, but these beautiful and noble creatures are still my favourites in the whole wide world.

ROARRRR!!!!

2011-05-21T10:40:00.000+01:00

WHAT AN AWESOME BEAST!!!!!

Black Cockatoo!!!!

2011-05-21T10:37:00.000+01:00

Found this little guy at the Featherdale Wildlife Centre.

Three Sisters, Blue Mountains

2011-05-21T10:34:00.000+01:00

Best Day of My Life!!!!

2011-05-20T13:41:00.003+01:00

Today has been, without exception, the best day of my life. Hayley took the day off work, and picked me up this morning after breakfast. Then we spent a day touring the wonderful beaches of this magical city. We spent this morning seeing the beautiful beaches of Bondi, Clovelly, and Coogee and also viewed an infamous suicide spot called 'The Gap' near Watsons Bay. There are the remnants of a mighty WW2 gun station there, apparently the dastardly japs sent their submarines into this beautiful harbour!!!! The view from there was absolutely stunning, and I cannot think of a nicer way to "go down" myself!!!!

Anyway, we did then take the ferry to Manly, where we walked to the beautiful Shelley Beach. I honestly think this is one of the most scenic and awesome walks I have ever done before. We had a romantic lunch, and there I did ask my beloved whether we were, indeed, 'an item'. She blushed, and replied that we were, and I felt like I was 17 again :) She held my hand as we walked back to the Manly Ferry, and we had a celebratory beer at the German beer cafe beside the terminal.

The ferry back to the city was an awesome. So beautiful, and so perfect, as the sun went down. We had pizza for dinner, and shared all the ups and downs of our complex lives to date. Mine was, admittedly, slightly more complex than hers, but she has had her own ebbs and flows over the past years. We walked around to Darling Harbour where all the pretty young things were celebrating the dawn of the weekend. We had a beer at 'The Watershed', and the bay looked absolutely stunning with the marvellous skyscrapers of the CBD in the background, and the joyous youngsters beginning their night of partying on the promenade in front of us.

Then we strolled up through "Chinatown", where 95% of the people are CHINESE. There, (after much persuasion), I was persuaded to try some "DIM SUM" (Chinese meat on a stick). I made a joke to the retailer that he should rename it "dog on a stick", which he did not take to kindly but which I (and more importantly) Hayley), did think was rather funny!!!!

And then we strolled back to my hotel, and then, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in 17 years, I did kiss a woman. It was short, but beautiful and tender. I looked into her eyes and I knew there and then that this would be forever. As I sit here in my room right now, I dare but dream. Is she indeed 'the one'???

Dear reader, you will know that I do not easily connect with people. But I connect with her. It has just been such a wonderful day. Even if I were to never see her again, I would eternally thank the Lord for TODAY.

The world is a wonderful place, and Sydney has to be its crown. I feel SO HAPPY.

Awesome warships at Darling Harbour

2011-05-19T15:01:00.000+01:00

Potential New Wife Found

2011-05-19T03:39:00.002+01:00

I am delighted to report that I think I may have found a new wife here in the great Australian city of SYDNEY. Her name is Hayley and she is just lovely. She works for PC Plod as a clerical officer. She is young and pretty and is of child-bearing age. She is going to take me out to see the Blue Mountains on Saturday. This could be the beginning of something GREAT, which might even result in me moving out here along with my rabbits to start a whole new life!!!

On the downside, she is an evolutionist but like me she loves animals and nature and we have talked and talked for ages about the wonderful creatures that can be found here on the Australian continent that are not to be found anywhere else on the world!!!

It is a warm and sunny afternoon here, and so she is going to show me the opera house and we might also do the bridge walk and then have a stroll around Darling Harbour.

She is just lovely and I knew the Lord God sent me out here for a reason!!!!!!

HAPPY GARVAN :)

Gday from Sydney!

2011-05-17T10:45:00.004+01:00

Evening all. Spent this morning climbing Black Mountain and I also looked into an art gallery in Canberra but it was every bit as BORING and middle class as I expected so I just left after five minutes. I then concluded that I had enough of Canberra, so I decided to depart early and fly to Sydney. The city is certainly a remarkable site to behold coming into land - lots of forest and lakes and ponds and bushland all around!!!!

I am now going to venture out of my hotel and take a walk around this magical city to see what sights it has to behold. Apparently there is a good German bar in the Rocks which is a good spot for people watching, so that sounds like a nice sedate way to spend my first evening here. I might even write a poem there, if the mood should take me.

Tomorrow I am going to go to the Botanical Gardens to investigate the fauna and flora. I have bought a little book about the flora and fauna of Australia, but I still want to see a black cockatoo as I have not yet found one. I also want to see a wombat and a possum. I think they will have kangaroos and wallabies at Sydney zoo, so I might also go there at some point later this week.

Sunny Canberra

2011-05-16T05:37:00.003+01:00

Tis a cold and crisp but beautiful sunny day here in Canberra. I have seen more cockatoos today, but I want to see the elusive black cockatoo which is apparently more difficult to find. I also saw two little rabbits today.

Meanwhile I have noticed that the price of postage here is ridiculous. I went to send a parcel of books I had purchased back to the UK and the price came to over $140!!!!

Crazy or what.

Right I am off now to the Parliament building to try to catch sight of the dreaded ginger woman.

Canberra beckons

2011-05-15T08:13:00.003+01:00

Plans have hereby been abandoned to visit the mining town of Broken Hill. I was told by a new friend I made in Melbourne called Steve that there is nothing there to see except mines and they are not even accessible to the public.

So I have instead motored to the northeast of Victoria, and am staying overnight in a hotel in a little place called ALBURY. I did some bush walking earlier and was totally AMAZED by the awesome beauty of the gum trees. Apparently there are many different varieties of them so I am going to buy a book a learn them off by heart.

My destination tomorrow shall be the ACT city of CANBERRA. Steve says no visit to Australia is complete without it. Apparently the Parliament building is built into the side of a hill so you can actually WALK OVER the politicians seated below!!!! God forbid that someone should drill a hole and drop a bucket of manure over the top of the ginger-headed woman. I am going to try to see if I can see her wandering about and, if I do, I will give her a piece of my mind on behalf of all Australians everywhere.

The Yarra River, with some gum trees

2011-05-14T10:54:00.000+01:00

Collingwood v Geelong, "Aussie Rules" at the MCG

2011-05-14T10:53:00.000+01:00

A wet Melbourne with a deadly tram

2011-05-14T10:51:00.000+01:00

Flinders Street Station, Melbourne

2011-05-14T10:49:00.000+01:00

Australian bush is AWESOME

2011-05-14T10:10:00.002+01:00

Having seen around Melbourne, I am currently going UPSTATE VICTORIA.

I passed through the Yarra Valley today and there I did see wild parrots and cockatoos and lots of charred gum trees which were singed in a MIGHTY BUSHFIRE a while back.

Whilst on the train yesterday I counted 13 people. SEVEN of them were Chinese, apparently they are sneaking into the country in little boats from Indonesia.

Meanwhile that silly red-headed prime minister is never off the TV. I have spoken to many Australians since I arrived and the woman is universally HATED.

Things we like and don't like about MELBOURNE

2011-05-10T23:43:00.003+01:00

Things we like thus far:

1. The coffee.
2. The vegetarian food.
3. The live music venues.

Things we don't:

1. The foreign taxi drivers who can't speak English and need a lesson in road etiquette.
2. The over-zealous police officers (they harassed me for preaching the Word of God to some Chinese in the street and there is currently a scandal here about the chief commissioner who looks like a skinhead thug).
3. The trams (which nearly turned me into dog food on more than on occasion yesterday).

It is Autumn at the moment in Melbourne and it is quite chilly. Yesterday I had a meeting with a professor at Victoria University (subject matter: CLASSIFIED). Today I think I am going to see Ramsay Street and try to meet some of the Neighbours cast. I think I might also go for a cruise on the Yarra River.

Fare thee well!!!!

2011-05-06T16:46:00.002+01:00

Yes, dear reader, tomorrow is indeed the day when Dr Ellison departs on his GRAND TOUR.

Tomorrow morning, he shall kiss his bunnies goodbye, and set off, suitcase in hand, to the station. I shall catch the train to London, then the Piccadily Line to Heathrow (I enjoy the tube and would not be caught dead on that rip-off 'Heathrow Express').

Then it's off to Melbourne, via Singapore. I shall spend a few days in the city, before hiring a car and driving north - via the great mining town of BROKEN HILL, unto Sydney. From there I shall catch a flight to the great Australian desert town of Alice Springs, then it is back to Sydney, and off to Leg 2 of my tour: ARGENTINA. I shall spend a week in Buenos Aires before flying onwards for LEG 3: the great US of A, where I shall spend a couple of weeks with my good friend Pastor Fred, in Missouri.

The original plan had been to take in New Zealand as well - but the earthquake there earlier this year put me off. Besides, I believe it is a cultural wasteland. My plan to visit South Africa was also dropped after reading about what a God-forsaken crime-ridden hellhole it is.

Well, dear reader, it's GOODBYE FROM ME!!!

Keep checking in; I shall endeavour to update you from time to time and may even post a pic or two!!!!

Adieu!!!!